Peaches & Cream

More from The Bros. Karamazov

‘There was, so it goes, a certain thinker and philosopher here on your earth who repudiated everything, ‘laws, conscience, faith’ and, above all, the future life. He died thinking he’d go straight to death and darkness, and, lo and behold, there was the future life before him. He was astounded and indignant. “this,” he said, “is against my principles.” So for that he was condemned – I’m sorry,, you see, I’m only telling you what I heard myself, it is only a legend – so, you see, he was condemned to walk in darkness a quadrillion kilometers, and when he had finished the quadrillion, the gates of heaven would be opened to him and all his transgressions would be forgiven .. ‘
…
‘Well, so the man who was sentenced to the quadrillion kilometers stood still, looked round and lay down across the road: “I won’t go! I refuse to go on principle!” Now, take the soul of an enlightened Russian atheist and mix it with the soul of the prophet Jonah, the chap who sulked in the wale’s belly for three days and nights, and you get the character of the thinker who lay across the road.’
‘What did he lie on there?’
‘Oh, I suppose there must have been something to lie on. You’re not laughing, are you?’
‘Stout fellow!’ cried Ivan, still with the same strange animation. Now he was listening with a sort of unexpected curiosity. ‘Well, is he lying there still?’
‘That’s the whole point – he is not. He lay there for almost a thousand years, then he got up and off he went.’
‘What a silly ass!’ cried Ivan, laughing nervously, and still apparently thinking hard about something.

***

I love the adamant insistence of this thinker & how he fought belief to the point of denial solely for pride derived of a principle. I can’t help but admire the stubbornness of man even when in the wrong. I mean he is in the after life now, yet he still denies & refuses to be swayed. I also love how in the end after a thousand years, he too bowed his head to the Lord and believed accepting his punishment in all humility. It is reported that upon entering heaven & being there for no more than two seconds, the man exclaimed that for those two seconds, he’d have gladly walked not only a quadrillion, but a quadrillion of quadrillions raised to a quadrillionth power!

One thing I’m not so sure I fully understand. The crossing of an enlightened Russian atheist’s soul with that of the prophet Jonah; Sayidna Younis, 3aleh el salat o essalam.

Sayidna Younis was sent to the people of Nainawa in Mousil, Iraq. They did not respond to his calling & he stayed within them many years inviting them to God & his forgiveness. Still the people of Nainawa would not listen, after a while the prophet became angry and exasperated with them and it looks like they were angry with him too. For they persued him and he, without waiting for an order from God, fled & abandoned them. He walked till he came to a shore where he found a ship & asked to travel with the people of the ship. Seeing in him a kind righteous man they agreed. When the ship had sailed to the middle of the sea it suddenly grew stormy, and they started thinking that perhaps there was one of sin among them and decided to spin an arrow between them and who ever the arrow fell upon would be thrown into sea. So it was that the arrow fell on Sayidna Younis, the people were astounded that such a man should be the chosen one & the prophet told them his story and asked them to throw him off board. And in the sea he went only to be swallowed by a great big whale to stay there for three days & nights. In the whale’s body Sayidna Younis knew that this was his miraculous punishment for leaving his people angry and not waiting for the word of God. He started praying to God for forgiveness & that; there is no God but you & I have been a sinner. After three days God in his mercy responded to him finally and the whale threw him onto the shore.

The exact qualities meant in the prophet’s soul are no doubt that of learning after a period of punishment, being forgiven & belief in God. But what is the quality of soul of the enlightened Russian atheist that produced the thinker when crossed with the qualities in the soul of the prophet?

And another thing; can an atheist actually be enlightened? I’ve always associated enlightenment with God, so how does one with no belief in God be enlightened? Unless even an atheist actually believes in God without knowing it himself!

Maybe the reader can help me out with these thoughts!

I am another blog, another person, another statistic. I happen to be female, or male. So if we should meet. If our paths should cross, can I really talk to you? Can I talk to you, say, about art? About history, love & wisdom? Can I talk to you about life? And if I did, would you listen to me pure in heart & mind? Would you answer me with what you believe, in total trust & love? Would you speak to me; this person speaking to you, as yourself or as some sex crazed animal of society’s creation?


The problem is, that most people you encounters in our society come with a preconceived notion of the order of things; that male come to female, male make female his, male King Cong. Ha Ha! The other half of it is: female grab Cong, female make him husband, female win a Cong. Yay! This is a perfectly correct order, in their heads. And so how easy it is that a simple chat or conversation can turn into a battle of sexes. So what do you do? Stay out of contact with guys or girls? All of them!! That’s impossible! They are half the community! Half the world! The other half of human! You can’t just ignore it! So again, what do you do? How can you enter into a simple friendship with such a King Cong man, or a Cong seeking woman who maybe are in fact good, intelligent people, capable of having the most rewarding conversations who just happens to need a little rattling of the skull to get things strait, how do you talk to them without having to battle head on for your self? Well the sensible answer would be to get the message across that what you are thinking is not an option, straight off from the beginning & stand still in your position. But if you should do that, Cong or his seeker would back off for a while. They would relax, letting their true self show, away from any sex related issues & just as you proceed to become your self with this new friend, the jibs & insinuations start. Smack! Right back to square one & again, now what! Now loosing a friend looks like a possibility but you don’t want to create an enemy & at the same time you don’t want your limits invaded like that. So what would the perfect behavior with Cong or his seeker be? Chuck ‘em out? No good, a life time of chucking sounds too wearing. Get the message across again then, very clearly! So you do, and this time, they were candid, you had to be precise, so Cong or seeker act hurt & slowly start to back away. But this time they know for sure they’re not getting what they came for. So this time they back away for good. Problem solved; unless, of course, they put it in their heads as a challenge but that’s another colorful parade! And is the matter really resolved! Does it really, absolutely have to be this way?

In the end I implore all of you; males & females, sitting in front of your screens who feel an echo of this problem in your lives to rattle your heads real hard for a few minutes. Lighten up & wake up, life isn’t just about sex & coupling! Life is bigger than you can imagine. How about starting to learn how not to waste it?

Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky ( 1822-1881), was a Russian novelist, journalist, short-story writer, whose psychological penetration into the human soul profoundly influenced the 20th century novel. His central obsession was God, whom his characters constantly search through painful errors and humiliations. Famous for his complex analyses of the human mind, he creates the extreme situations and emotions in his novels not out of mere sensationalism, but to plumb the depths of human experience. Ultimately they deal with moral and philosophical questions. Among his most famous novels; `Poor Folk', 'The House of the Dead', 'Crime & Punishment' & 'The Brothers Karamazov'.

I am currently reading 'The Brothers Karamazov' & I’m in love with it! His story telling is rich in apathy, love for humanity & a deep sense of religion. Below are some of my favorite quotes & extracts from the novel that I would love to share with you. Sometimes his words ring true, some times they’re just fascinating to contemplate. But the most endearing trait perhaps of this great thinker; is that he can make you too, stop for a moment & think.

From The Brothers Karamazov ..

“The mystery of human life is not only in living, but in knowing why one lives” Page-285

“Love is regardless of logic, as you say. Yes, most certainly regardless of logic, for only then will I grasp its meaning” Page- 260

“Beauty! It makes me mad to think that a man of great heart and high intelligence should begin with the ideal of Madonna and end with the ideal of Sodom. What is more terrible is that a man with the ideal of Sodom already in his soul does not renounce the ideal of Madonna, and it sets his heart ablaze, and it is truly, truly ablaze, as in the days of his youth and innocence. Yes, man is wide, too wide, indeed. I would narrow him. I’m hanged if I know what he really is! What appears shameful to the mind, is sheer beauty to the heart” Page- 126

“”To fall in love doesn’t mean to love. One can fall in love with a woman and hate her at the same time” Page-122

“That from the worst unto the better
Man his soul may raise up high,
He must join his ancient mother,
Mother earth his best ally.

But the trouble is, you see, how am I to enter into an alliance with earth for ever? I don’t kiss the earth, I don’t cut open her bosom-so what am I to become: a peasant or a shepherd? I go on and on and I don’t know whether I shall find myself amidst stench and shame or light and joy. That’s the trouble, old man, for everything in the word is a mystery! And every time I happened to plunge into the very depths of the most shameless debauchery, I always read that poem about Ceres and man. Did it reform me? Never! For I am a Karamazov. For if I am to precipitate myself into the abyss, I shall do so without a moments reflection, head over heels, and indeed I shall be glad to fall in such a degrading attitude and consider it beautiful for a man like me. And it is at this very moment of shame and disgrace that I suddenly begin to intone this hymn. Let me be damned, let me be vile and base, but let me kiss the hem of the garment in which my God is clad; let me be running after the devil at that very moment, but I am still thy son, O Lord, and I love thee, and I feel the joy without which the world cannot be and exist” Page-125

“A man’s face often prevented many people who were inexperienced in love from loving him” Page-266

“One can’t go on living in a state of rebellion, and I want to live” Page-276

“… It is not worth it, because her tears remained unexpiated. They must be expiated, for otherwise there can be no harmony. But how, how are you to expiate them? Is it possible? Not, surely, by their being avenged? But what do I want them avenged for? What do I want a hell for torturers for? What good can hell do if they have already been tortured to death? And what sort of harmony is it, if there is a hell? I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don’t want any more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to make up the sum of sufferings which is necessary for the purchase of truth, then I say beforehand that the entire truth is not worth such a price. And, finally, I do not want a mother to embrace the torturer who had her child torn to pieces by his dogs! She has no right to forgive him! If she likes, she can forgive him for herself, she can forgive the torturer for the immeasurable suffering he has inflicted upon her as a mother; but she has no right to forgive him for the sufferings of her tortured child. She has no right to forgive the torturer for that, even if her child were to forgive him! And if that is so, if they have no right to forgive him, what becomes of the harmony? Is there in the whole world a being who could or would have the right to forgive? I don’t want harmony. I don’t want it, out of the love I bear to mankind. I want to remain with my suffering unavenged” Page- 275

“People are quite right when they say that it’s nice to have a chat with a clever man” Page-310

“You will go forth from these walls, but you will live in the world like a monk. You will have many adversaries, but even your enemies will love you. Life will bring many misfortunes to you, but it is in them that you will find happiness and you will bless life and make others bless it” Page-316

“Darling Mother, there have to be masters and servants, but let me be the servant of my servants. Let me be the same as they are to me. And let me tell you this, too, Mother: every one of us is responsible for everyone else in every way, and I most of all” Page-319

Why do we have to look up in prayer, when God is everywhere! When in despair, all I have to do is look at my hand, watch the intricate marks left by Him on me & imagine my blood with all its contents running through my veins & nurturing every cell. How many cells! Such love & care I’m continuously showered with, I am filled with God; in and all around me. Do you not see the godliness of God in yourself? Do you not see him in trees, in the breeze? Do you not see that even animals are godly? In my little brothers Islamic Religion book, I’ve read that man is not permitted to ponder God’s identity because his brain is not equipped to reach beyond to the ethereal. I couldn’t agree with that, because besides mind there is soul & there is heart. If man can not comprehend the exact location of soul or study its substance nor understand the quality of heart; a mere pumping muscle, which allows it to feel, reach out & sometimes know something without a doubt that can not possibly be known to the mind, how can he assume them too, incapable of knowing God! How can he forbid himself pondering & feeling! I do not know what God is exactly, but I tell you frankly, to me God is a feeling of the wholeness & generosity of life. God is a force & a power of creation & destruction all in one because God is whole & God is everything, He is in the substance of every living creature & every energy form in this universe, He is the creator of all & in all one can see him. Whether we perceive this mentally or not is irrelevant, just call out His name and feel the well being that opens up to you & His presence that fills you, that is enough. And maybe God really doesn’t have an identity because He Is the Whole & identities, after all, are only definitions man has come up with to assist his limited mind in understanding. But to understand God, one has only to feel. Is it blasphemous of me to think so? I don’t know. I only know how I feel when I see Him all around & know him in my being. And I thank Him for that.

"God Consciousness, what is that? It is the opinion that everyone and everything is God" - Corr Uilleand

"God-consciousness is ever expanding, ever evolving, without end" - Ronna Herman

We’ve had some problems with Shadow, as the black cat became known; at night, he was nothing but a little silhouette hidden in the grass. Three days in a row we tried to catch him & every time he managed to slither between our hands & towels, then stand far away & watch us, never coming closer again for the day. Finally, he seemed to take things in his own paws, disappearing again. I can only presume him dead. And though I couldn’t do anything for him, to see how he came here when in need warms my heart. It’s gratifying & humbling at the same time. He opened me up again to nature, after being cooped up too long between books & words. For while we tried to catch him, I touched leaves & held trees, I sat next to a nest & diddled with a guitar, pretending I could play. Cookie; our garden feline, a white try color pregnant for the third time & my brother’s favorite, sat behind me & he was always watching from afar. Who said things didn’t happen for a reason! Thank you Shadow, rest in peace my little black cat.