Into The Sixth,
The sun is shining & the birds are twittering. Every thing looks just lovely. I lit a rose scented candle and it’s making me feel like I’m a little insect lying down between the petals of a pink rose & it smells so lovely. No one told me life could be so beautiful smoke-free. I’m loving every second of it. Even with the withdrawal & emotional mayhem it’s all good. It all comes to pass, as I take my baby steps into the sixth day.
And now I will put on my walking shoes and walk out into the sun. My brother & I are planning on a two hour walk on the beach under the Kuwait Towers. I love to walk under them, I love to lie under them and look up into the vast sky. I love to do everything & anything now that I am smoke-free. It’s fun to make up little adventures & quests. It’s fun to just be, Smoke-free that is ;)
I hope everyone feels the same rosy way I feel today, it’s such a beautiful feeling & such a beautiful day. Don’t waste a minute of it everyone & be good .. a little ;p
! علامك
!! قالو علامك
! ساهر الليل كله
... قلت اتركوني
(نايم الظهر شبعان)
ZIPADEE DO DAH
Zip a dee do dah, zip a dee eh,
My oh m-y - what a won-der-ful day
Plen-ty of sun-shine - head-ing my way,
Zip a dee do dah, zip a dee eh.
Mis-ter blue-bird on my shoul-der,
It's the truth, it's act-u-al,
Every-thing is sat-is-fac-tual.
Zip a dee do dah, zip a dee eh,
Won-der-ful feel-ing, won-der-ful day.
Have a wonderful happy day everyone ;)
Self Destruct
And so I leave my bed & come here again to write. But what do I have to say? Nothing good I’m afraid. Nothing good at all. Zipadee do dah zipadee fucking yay everything is un-fucking-satisfactual. I had a smoke today. Not because I was craving, I handled all my craves superbly and with utmost control, thank you very much. I did it but because I wanted to break it. I wanted to hurt over breaking it. Well .. it’s working.
My whole day has been wasted and over what .. sleeping like a log in my bed .. all day long . all fucking night long . and just like that my day is gone! How easy it is to loose a day! How impossible it is to get it back. You can only promise you won’t loose tomorrow. & sometimes you go ahead & loose it anyway.
It’s not me. It’s not me. It’s my self destructiveness taking over. But isn’t that also a part of me? So then it is me! I am the wrecker of peace. I am the wrecker of peach. I am the wrecker of my own life. Wreck me some more self, wreck me till all my days are gone & it’s time to fade. Bring me some more havoc, apparently I have not had enough!
Let operation Self Destruct commence now!
No need for any plz feel better comments folks, we all know by now what a Kuku Peach post looks like ;) just ignore it & it’ll go away.
I QUIT
I QUIT SMOKING I QUIT SMOKING I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
I QUIT SMOKING
And That's That.
Death; End of the journey
A couple of days ago I was online & a friend I have not seen in a long time came on. We started chatting and catching up on each other when he gave me the news of death…
Him: Remember flan.
Me: No I don’t. (being sarcastic)
Him: Flan obo Flana, u don’t remember him?
Me: of course I remember him silly, what about him?
Him: He died a week ago in a motorbike accident.
It was so unexpected. I have not seen, heard of or thought of this person is so long. I don’t know if this is what u call shock, but I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to tell my friend to stop kidding. Although I know people don’t kid about this sort of thing, but I kept wanting to tell him to stop anyway. When it finally sunk in, all I could think of was his daughters & all I could feel was anger. Flan has two little girls, how could he be so stupid!! How could he do this to them?!
After a while I forgot all about him or I thought I did. He kept jumping into my thoughts every now & then. Until last night while I was trying to sleep, he came into my mind full blast. I found myself remembering the way he looked & the way he laughed & the stupid arguments he kept getting us all into. Remembering the flesh & blood that are no more & trying to understand how this flame of life has been extinguished .. So suddenly!
He was my favorite driver because he would go the fastest. I loved his black hybosa, I loved to ride behind him & the faster he went the higher I felt, laughing gaily, hair flying & slapping my face like thin ropes. I remember how I used to stand up behind him & stretch my arms to the side for balance & then he would stand up too, lift his arms & hold my hands to show me that he was driving handless. This is no doubt stupid. But at the time it felt like passion, a passion for bikes, for speed, for having no limits & breaking free. And in the end, this passion killed him. Does this mean a man with a passion dies young? Does this mean I will die young? I have so many passions I can’t even begin to count. I tell myself I shouldn’t be thinking this way. That death is the end of our journey. We all will reach this end some day, this fellow human being just happened to reach his end before me. That’s all! And aren’t life & death two sides of one coin! Isn’t death the reverse of birth?!
And still, it’s hard to comprehend. Even thinking about it, analyzing it & writing about it brings me a feeling of guilt, because I know that somewhere not far from me is a woman crying over the warmth of a man who is lost to her forever & two little girls who might not understand. Thinking of his girls breaks my heart most.
Death makes sense, I know, & yet at the same time I feel it makes no sense at all!
Friends, if anyone knows … help me know. Death is still a stranger to me.
8th March
Last night, as soon as it struck twelve, I started partying.
For two hours I was DJ of the house, starting with Alicia Keys’s Mr. Man to the Thousand Years of Sting going through mixtures of Spanish dance, techno & R&B. After that I lay in bed & let Yanni take my ears as I lost my other senses in some Pooh wisdom. When the words started to dance in front of my eyes, I put the book down, switched off the lamp & drifted off in a contented sleep.
Today I awoke with a smile (^.^) For today is the 8th of march, my Birthday ;D Tanana na Ta Naaaaa .. Tonight, after all the loving folks & friends are done, I’ll hold my own little birthday ritual. I’ll get a banana cup cake & waraq 3inab from Palm Palace, a birthday hat & whistle, one of each and then I will have my own private celebration, I’ll play my favorite music & watch my wriggling candle atop my banana cup cake. For me, the time just before I blow out my birthday candles, is among the best for reflecting on past, future & mostly present, & simply being merry & joyous. ;)
Back in the lost days I used to look at my baby pictures in awe. I found it difficult to comprehend that this little creature is now me! I don’t feel that way anymore. Instead I’m filled with gratitude everyday that this little creature did indeed turn into me.
Sometimes, when I look at children around me, I wonder what they will think twenty years form now, when they look at their baby pictures. I wonder what they will look like, while their looking at their baby pictures. Creation I find, is such a beautiful thing & so is life & the passing of time. Like tides coming in & retreating, we all nestle in the circle of this beautiful existence. Let’s rejoice & celebrate. Let’s feel good & love how life flows.
On The Roof
I was sitting alone in my room reading The Tao of Pooh; a graduaction gift from my mother. I had just started & I was a bit restless so I decided on a whim to go up to the roof & read there. Little did I know that I would not be able to read once I got there. Only I’d be itching to write. So I went bk to my room to get my notebook & ran bk up to the roof..
So here I am, on the roof, looking at the sky & all the other rooftops. The sun is making its way down to the other side. From where I’m sitting, I can’t see it clearly but it’s casting a beautiful reddish golden glow on the side of the white house in front of ours. & the weather is just gorgeous! The air is of the nostalgic type that makes u lift up your face to it & open up ur nostril’s as far as they go. All the while half remembering old feelings corresponding to the ones now evoked.
Or maybe what it really does is bring you mixtures of feelings from other parts & other lands it has passed before touching your face & blowing between your hair strands! I don’t know but in any case it’s the type of weather that inspires me to take a long drive ;)
**
And then I lift myself to look over the edge of the roof & see that my beloved Fuoca Rossa (Italian for Red Flame a.k.a. my car ;)) is not in the garage, abducted no doubt, by the evil villain Browthair the Sneaky.
**
Guess I’ll have to take a rain check on that drive. So anyway, back to the roof.
Now the birds are the sweetest thing. They chatter with their sweet melodious voices all around me. The tweet, chichi & witwit are just tickling my ears! They’re like different notes & sounds mingling in the greater symphony of being. The air is cool, fresh & clean. It inspires in me a vision of myself lying on the ground, staring up at the sky & weeping with joy. Why do I always want to weep when I feel so strongly? Is it that my human body could not contain such vast emotion? How can it? The universe is a gigantic place. Can you imagine the quantity of feelings & emotions out there! In people, in the earth, in this wind & the sounds all around me! How can one body possibly strive to contain it all? Do you think it’s doable?
This unexpected line of thought dampens my spirits & my hands are getting cold. Perhaps I should go in now.
On the bright side, Browthair the villain is back & is sounding cheery. So maybe I’ll take that drive after all .. and drag him along ;)
Beautiful Death
Beautiful Death 
فاتنتي كالورقِ الأزرقْ
تتنقلُ بينَ الأزهارْ
نشوى برحيقٍ أُطرِدْ
والوردُ سكرانٌ ولهانْ
تُرَفرِفُ تارةً على فلهْ
ًوتلثمُ ُ فاهَ الأقحوانْ
وإِن طارتْ فاتنةَ الحلهْ
ذبلَ الورقُ على الأغصانْ
إلى أن جاءَ فاتنتي
يومٌ عاصفٌ غضبانْ
تناقلتها براثنُ الريحِ
ودارت بها الأرضُ كلَ مكانْ
تهاوت صغيرتيَ الزرقاءُ
تضمها الأرضُ وبقايا حنانْ
للهِ دُركِ يا جميلهْ
لونكِ ما زالَ فتانْ
حتى في رمقِ الموتِ الأسودْ
يسلبُ أقسى الأذهانْ
