Self Destruct
And so I leave my bed & come here again to write. But what do I have to say? Nothing good I’m afraid. Nothing good at all. Zipadee do dah zipadee fucking yay everything is un-fucking-satisfactual. I had a smoke today. Not because I was craving, I handled all my craves superbly and with utmost control, thank you very much. I did it but because I wanted to break it. I wanted to hurt over breaking it. Well .. it’s working.My whole day has been wasted and over what .. sleeping like a log in my bed .. all day long . all fucking night long . and just like that my day is gone! How easy it is to loose a day! How impossible it is to get it back. You can only promise you won’t loose tomorrow. & sometimes you go ahead & loose it anyway.
It’s not me. It’s not me. It’s my self destructiveness taking over. But isn’t that also a part of me? So then it is me! I am the wrecker of peace. I am the wrecker of peach. I am the wrecker of my own life. Wreck me some more self, wreck me till all my days are gone & it’s time to fade. Bring me some more havoc, apparently I have not had enough!
Let operation Self Destruct commence now!
No need for any plz feel better comments folks, we all know by now what a Kuku Peach post looks like ;) just ignore it & it’ll go away.
posted by Peach @ 4:33 PM
7 Comments:
Sounds very familiar here ...
I have been sick myself and didn't leave bed much. Got online most of the time just to have a company I am escaping. And you said, been wasting my time only to promise myself not to next time which then would be wasted as well. Its an endless cycle when things aren't so clear.
Sometimes, self destructiveness seems like a need to get to the depth of self consciousness. Something to drop you down your knees to wake you up from a worse kind of dream. Some people even call it an escape, I don't.
Well what a shame!After all the support you had, you go and smoke and let the evil smokers win? ya shamatat abla zaza feena!! :(
I am in mourning :'(
aldara,
A terrible cycle, I did it again today ;\ I do use it as an escape sometimes. sometimes I just like to hurt myself for some reason! ;\
girl! we need therapy ;p lol
Hopeless P,
ee wallaaah ya shamattat abla zaza feena!
But don't be in mourning 3ad! it's not the end of the world. I'm actually very proud that I lasted 6 days. It means I can do it. and so I will ;) Have faith hopeless P, it ain't over till I sing ;p
try NLP.
I sujecte you start somking!not ciggerets ofcaurse no no am not one of those evil ciggie ppl. smoke weed LOL then no wits for you to selfdistruct and it doesn't count as going back to smoking.
I love it ;) Infact my fav cd is end self destructivness ;D
thanks BL .. & Beatnik .. naughty naughty Beatnik ;)
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